I haven't posted in forever but since I had a lot to get off my chest I decided to go ahead a write a little bit while I have some free time.
2008 has been so crazy! It seems like yesterday I was ringing in the new year and it's damn near April! School and these two jobs have been killing me! But it's all good, the busier I stay the more I can keep him off my mind. But wait...you don't know who "him" is. So let me backtrack...
Earlier this year I reconnected with an old friend in hopes that we could change the course of our relationship. I'm coming off a crazy 2007 relationship-wise, because the man I thought I was gonna marry turned out not to be the one for me. But anyways, I was ready to kinda jump back out there and do the dating thing again. Things were cool for a little while but as time went on I realized that some things should stay in the past. I don't wanna set myself up to be hurt again. And he is not worth it.
But oh well. I'll leave you with a few words from y favorite poet...Jill Scott.
"Wanna Be Loved"
Mmmm,
Don't,don't,don't,don't,
Don't,(don't,don't) don't,don't,don't,
(don't don't)
It's bad,It's bad
Sometimes s**t is bad... (don't)
Look,
Don't feel no pity for me
Cause I'm going through a couple things,
Life means change,
That's the way it goes,goes
All my life I had a constant burning
A strong deep,desire
An aching ambiguous,yearning,yearning,
yearning
For something better
For something bigger
For something wider
For something higher
And lots of regrets
Cause I ain't seem to found it yet
I've been searching around the world
Never knowing what to expect
I get sad sometimes
Yes I be mad sometimes
Cause I'm out here on the grind
Making mine
And I still can't seem to find
What I've been looking for
Opened so many doors
For real,yo
I just wanna be loved...
[Chorus:]
I just wanna be loved
Like everybody else does
I just wanna be loved
I just wanna be loved [Repeat x4]
I just wanna be loved
Monday, March 17, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
Reflecting on 2007...
2007 has been a CRAZY year for me. I have been through so much this year, that I am SOOOO ready for 2008 to come. I've been through a crazy relationship, I've had school problems, work problems and family problems. I am ready for some major changes to come my way. I am going to be totally in control of my life in 2008.
First off: I'm gonna get my academics right.
I slacked off so bad this year. I was so caught up on my relationship, and making money that I put school on the back burner. This year I have got to get my GPA up to a 3.5 so I can definitely get into the school of education. I have to focus on my future. I am the only one who can do that.
Second: I am not going back to any man who treated me bad, disrespected me or did anything to me that I didn't deserve. It's time for me to make a clean break from all of the negativity in my life and start focusing on making myself a better person. I have finally learned that you can't make someone love you if they don't and that YOU have to be happy with yourself before you can make anyone else happy. Those words sounded so cliche to me when I was younger but I fully understand them now.
Third: This should have been first but oh well. I really want to strengthen my relationships with two people. God and my mama. I feel like I've gotten away from my mom so much since I've been out of high school. I guess it's because I don't want her to judge me for the things that I have done, but I have to realize that she is my mother, the reason why I am here and if ANYONE is always gonna be down for me it's gonna be her.
I also want to reestablish my relationship with the Lord. I have gotten away from talking to him and listening to him and I see how my life has gotten off track. I just want to stop relying on outside people and put 100% of my trust back in Him.
That's pretty much all for me. I'm just about to make some major changes in 2008. I'm a grown woman now, and it's time for me to act like it!
First off: I'm gonna get my academics right.
I slacked off so bad this year. I was so caught up on my relationship, and making money that I put school on the back burner. This year I have got to get my GPA up to a 3.5 so I can definitely get into the school of education. I have to focus on my future. I am the only one who can do that.
Second: I am not going back to any man who treated me bad, disrespected me or did anything to me that I didn't deserve. It's time for me to make a clean break from all of the negativity in my life and start focusing on making myself a better person. I have finally learned that you can't make someone love you if they don't and that YOU have to be happy with yourself before you can make anyone else happy. Those words sounded so cliche to me when I was younger but I fully understand them now.
Third: This should have been first but oh well. I really want to strengthen my relationships with two people. God and my mama. I feel like I've gotten away from my mom so much since I've been out of high school. I guess it's because I don't want her to judge me for the things that I have done, but I have to realize that she is my mother, the reason why I am here and if ANYONE is always gonna be down for me it's gonna be her.
I also want to reestablish my relationship with the Lord. I have gotten away from talking to him and listening to him and I see how my life has gotten off track. I just want to stop relying on outside people and put 100% of my trust back in Him.
That's pretty much all for me. I'm just about to make some major changes in 2008. I'm a grown woman now, and it's time for me to act like it!
Friday, December 21, 2007
Who the heck writes checks anymore????
Ok...I still write checks. I pay bills with them. I usually mail those bills. But I didn't think that people used checks...at the U-scan at krogers. WTF???!!! I felt like I was in that VISA commercial when everything was moving fast and then that one person uses cash or check. My mom was in the car, not feeling well after getting some tests done and this lady holds up the full u-scan line with this check. I was so glad to get home. But I am thankful that I had the money to buy what we needed...some people don't have that opportunity. Holla!
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
It's OVER!!!
It's been a while, but I have been soo busy studying for finals. And not that I got tonsillitis right smack in the middle of finals!!! I was already screwed cuz I did nothing all semester, but I got sick right when I was going to be able to redeem myself. Oh well, better luck next semester.
Anyhoo, things are a bust with dude from class that I liked. I think he has a girl. I don't deal with men who are in relationships anymore. I learned my lesson. But some females just make you want to do shit to piss them off.
Example. I used to kinda date this guy all during high school. I never knew that he had a girlfriend until our senior year. I was pissed. But he still continued to call, so I continued to talk to him. Well right after graduation, I get a phone call from his girl. She says the usual, "Bitch leave my man alone, blah blah blah" and I reply with "Bitch keep your man in control and he won't be coming over here". Keep in mind this all happened in 2004.
So he and I continue to mess around until the end of the year, and after the girl calls me again, I leave him alone. We don't talk until this past May when he got my number from a mutual friend. He calls me trying to run the same game (trying to get some) and I refuse. He tells me that he is engaged to the old girlfriend but he still steps out on her. He then tells me that she still asks him about me 3 freaking years after the fact. I'm like WTF??!!! Insecurity is a bitch. Get over it!!! I don't see how chicks can hold on to shit for so long. She's a dumb broad for staying with him, aint NO nigga ready to tell me he cheated on me with over 10 girls during our relationship and expect me to stay like everything is cool. AIDS is out there you feel me!
Anyways, I stop taking his calls after this but I find him on myspace back in like October. We exchange a few friendly messages, I just asked what he was up to and he did the same. After exchanging about 3 messages a piece I was done talking to him. So one day I log on and she had sent me a message from his profile cursing me out and shit. I was like WOW. I really get to her like that. It's kinda sad, because he told me back in May that she was very insecure and that would be the only reason why he wouldn't marry her. But in a way, I'm glad that I left him alone back then. Too much drama.
So Brittany is about to enjoy her winter break, make some money and spend time with those that I have been neglecting this year. I need to relax!!!
Anyhoo, things are a bust with dude from class that I liked. I think he has a girl. I don't deal with men who are in relationships anymore. I learned my lesson. But some females just make you want to do shit to piss them off.
Example. I used to kinda date this guy all during high school. I never knew that he had a girlfriend until our senior year. I was pissed. But he still continued to call, so I continued to talk to him. Well right after graduation, I get a phone call from his girl. She says the usual, "Bitch leave my man alone, blah blah blah" and I reply with "Bitch keep your man in control and he won't be coming over here". Keep in mind this all happened in 2004.
So he and I continue to mess around until the end of the year, and after the girl calls me again, I leave him alone. We don't talk until this past May when he got my number from a mutual friend. He calls me trying to run the same game (trying to get some) and I refuse. He tells me that he is engaged to the old girlfriend but he still steps out on her. He then tells me that she still asks him about me 3 freaking years after the fact. I'm like WTF??!!! Insecurity is a bitch. Get over it!!! I don't see how chicks can hold on to shit for so long. She's a dumb broad for staying with him, aint NO nigga ready to tell me he cheated on me with over 10 girls during our relationship and expect me to stay like everything is cool. AIDS is out there you feel me!
Anyways, I stop taking his calls after this but I find him on myspace back in like October. We exchange a few friendly messages, I just asked what he was up to and he did the same. After exchanging about 3 messages a piece I was done talking to him. So one day I log on and she had sent me a message from his profile cursing me out and shit. I was like WOW. I really get to her like that. It's kinda sad, because he told me back in May that she was very insecure and that would be the only reason why he wouldn't marry her. But in a way, I'm glad that I left him alone back then. Too much drama.
So Brittany is about to enjoy her winter break, make some money and spend time with those that I have been neglecting this year. I need to relax!!!
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
What What??!!
Had to post this...After watching this, I have laughed enough for a week.
Samwell - What What
Samwell - What What
RIP
Hope everyone had a good thanksgiving! Mine wasn't too hot, my uncle that I wrote about in my last post passed thanksgiving night. The funeral is tomorrow and I can't make it because of finals coming up and this major group project that I have to present. I really hate it, but I'm glad that I got to see him before he passed.
Pray for me during finals!
Pray for me during finals!
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
It's been a while...
My bad for not writing more (well not that anyone reads this thing) but in case someone does, it's been crazy! I am so glad that this year is coming to a close. I learned so much in 2007, I finally feel like I am honestly a grown up now. One major lesson that I have learned is not to settle for less that what I deserve. I so realize that now. The person that I thought would always be my #1, the man that I had put all of my time and energy into for over two years, turned on me over some he said, she said mess. Most people call me picky about my men, but I have a darn good reason. I REFUSE to settle for a man who does not treat me with respect, who is not honest with me even when it makes me mad, who does not value me and and listen to my innermost dreams and concerns and thoughts. I want a man in my life who gives back what I give to him, and then some. I feel like I have given so much to people and it has left me feeling empty. That's why I'm focused on doing ME right now. I want to fill myself up before I can give anything else out.
**Random thought**
Why did 7 police cars just fly down my wet street? One of them almost hit the Camry. I love my lil car, I would have acted up if my mirror was on the ground in the morning.
**I'm done**
But Brittany needs to do what makes HER happy. Not what some man likes. With the last guy that I dated, I felt like I had to be someone else in order for him and his family to accept me. I understand that around his moms and stuff that I can't curse or wear my leopard print booty shorts, but I refuse to change the person that I am because of YOUR standards. A strong, educated, beautiful black woman raised me right. So if you don't like me, sorry for ya.
**Random thought 2**
I see a fire truck now. And a bunch of people hopping out of cars and stuff. Uh-oh. I hate living in the hood I swear. I can't defend it any longer.
**done**
I wanna give a big hug to my Uncle Clayton. He is battling bone cancer right now and they don't think he is going to make it much longer. He was always my favorite uncle, he was my grandfathers' younger brother and he was the glue that kept our family together. He took over as a father role for my mom and a grandad role for me after my grandfather passed in 1995. I am going to miss him so much!
Happy Thanksgiving to all, I have so much to be thankful for, my health, my family, my abilities. GOD IS GOOD!!!
See ya xoxoxox
**Random thought**
Why did 7 police cars just fly down my wet street? One of them almost hit the Camry. I love my lil car, I would have acted up if my mirror was on the ground in the morning.
**I'm done**
But Brittany needs to do what makes HER happy. Not what some man likes. With the last guy that I dated, I felt like I had to be someone else in order for him and his family to accept me. I understand that around his moms and stuff that I can't curse or wear my leopard print booty shorts, but I refuse to change the person that I am because of YOUR standards. A strong, educated, beautiful black woman raised me right. So if you don't like me, sorry for ya.
**Random thought 2**
I see a fire truck now. And a bunch of people hopping out of cars and stuff. Uh-oh. I hate living in the hood I swear. I can't defend it any longer.
**done**
I wanna give a big hug to my Uncle Clayton. He is battling bone cancer right now and they don't think he is going to make it much longer. He was always my favorite uncle, he was my grandfathers' younger brother and he was the glue that kept our family together. He took over as a father role for my mom and a grandad role for me after my grandfather passed in 1995. I am going to miss him so much!
Happy Thanksgiving to all, I have so much to be thankful for, my health, my family, my abilities. GOD IS GOOD!!!
See ya xoxoxox
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