my natural hair journey...

So I haven't had a relaxer in almost three months. The last time I got one, I had so many scabs left in my head that I was picking them out till the first of April. So I am going to embrace my natural texture. Or at least try.

My cousin put a relaxer in my hair against my mothers wishes when I was 5. My hair has never been the same. 

Here's a pic of my head now, almost three months in.  Don't laugh. If you all know of some good products, let me know. And if you know of some good blogs about natural hair drop it in my comment box. I need help...and some patience!!!

Pray for me...finals start next week. Jesus be some time management skills!

thumbs down 4 baby showers...

ok i'm kidding. i really like baby showers. but i went to my cousins shower yesterday, and those lil girls were killin me. i was the only person over 21 there, besides me aunt and uncle and a few other family members, and I was damn near the only "not pregnant" chick there! 

something must be in the water. 

I'll be down until finals are over. Jesus be some time management skills.

Am I Wrong?

...because i REFUSE to live with a man that I am not engaged/married to?

...because i REFUSE to have children before I am married?

...because i REFUSE to settle for less than I deserve in a man?

...because i REFUSE to become a product of my environment?

...because i REFUSE to change who I am for ANYONE?

loving myself...

i'm trying to learn how to love every little part of britt. i understand the idea that no one can love and respect me, until i learn to love and respect myself. that mean accepting my flaws, and working hard to eliminate the ones i can (weight, outer apperance). no one is perfect, but you can try put your best foot forward when you can. 

i used to wish i was smaller, prettier, smarter, more outgoing...the list goes on. 

but i had to realize that there was only [one] me for a reason. 

i mean, who else knows all the books of the bible, all the words to any TI, Master P and Jay-Z song, can cook a good meal, tell you all of the symptoms of a bi-polar person and do the stanky leg all at once??

everyone is special in their own way. embrace you. love you. when you have that confident glow coming from you as you walk down the street people take notice. 

love yourself...

Paula Patton...watch your husband....

....cuz he's coming to my town on May 13th! 

I STANS for Robin Thicke! Like if I had to build the perfect man, he would look just like him. He is adorable! I have lusted after him since "Brand New Jones" when he had long hair and was kinda filthy looking. So all I gotta say is..

Paula let this be a warning.

Don't leave ya man around me, true playa for real, ask my mommy! - BIG, revised by me!

breakthrough

Remember those walls I built
Well, baby they're tumbling down
And they didn't even put up a fight
They didn't even make up a sound

I found a way to let you in
But I never really had a doubt
Standing in the light of your halo
I got my angel now

It's like I've been awakened
Every rule I had you breakin'
It's the risk that I'm takin'
I ain't never gonna shut you out

Everywhere I'm looking now
I'm surrounded by your embrace
Baby I can see your halo
You know you're my saving grace

You're everything I need and more
It's written all over your face
Baby I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

Now I normally don't rock with B like that but I heard this on the way home from work and I had to write about it. And I am tired as hell, so excuse me if I ramble.

I'm feeling this way about "M" now...a little. My walls haven't completly fallen just yet, but I can see a few cracks. I kinda think of him when I plan my future, I wonder where he is going to be in a few years once I finish grad school. I hate so much that he is out of the country, but he will be back in the states in 2 weeks! Now we can talk on the phone for free!!

But I feel different about him. I feel like I like him on some grown up shit. I'm accepting his flaws, and I feel much more comfortable around him.

Maybe it's me, maybe it's him. 

IDK. I just open up to him more and more each day, and I can tell he is slowly letting me into his circle. 

God I don't wanna get hurt again. 

But these walls are slowly chipping away...

he can't love you...

i listen to my friends stories, and think about things that i've been through and feel like a dumbass at times. why do we as women, let men determine how we feel about ourselves at times?

i say this because i think about how a comment from a guy has made me go into starvation mode if he says i'm getting fat, or if a man didn't call me when he said he would i have lost my mind a few times and stooped down to the lowest of levels to see where he is spending his time. 

i feel like, if a man isn't doing his best to include you in his life, and isn't making an honest effort to be honest about where the two of you stand...why waste your time?

i'm only 22 but i've been through a lot. i'm tired of playing games with boys. seriously. 

think about it. if a man is doing things to you that you would never do to anyone else (be honest with yourself), then you don't need to be there. if he is making you second guess him at all, you don't need to be there. 

if he can't love you like you deserve to be loved, you should not be there. 

be real with yourself in 2009.